Reader's Corner

But let me begin at the beginning...

I was born in 1960 in Patiala, Punjab where I spent much of my formative years. My father, Dev Raj Gupta was a lecturer at the Thapar Polytechnic Institute and my mother, Sarla was a housewife. I was the elder of the two children - my younger brother was born two-and-half years after me. For a while my father went to Roorkee to do his mechanical engineering and at that point my mother took up a job to meet the family budget. We would all joke at home that our father had become a student while our mother became a teacher! Later, he returned to Patiala and became the principal of Thapar Polytechnic.

THE MOMENTOUS YEAR

Life was going very smoothly for me, and my days were packed with all the usual activities of any young child - reading books, playing games, fighting with the neighbourhood boys...

This happy state of affairs continued till 1972, the year I moved to class VIII. Then an event of some significance took place. My maternal uncle passed away. His death was a shock to us, and people came in streams to offer their condolences to my mother. I was present through the whole proceedings.

One day, around that time, a friend was telling us stories about spirits when suddenly a cold tremor passed through my spine. I felt very weak, and developed high fever, which brought on several convulsions. My parents were alarmed and worried to see me in this state. A parade of doctors was consulted. One said I had typhoid, another felt I had malaria. It became difficult to judge what exactly had caused my ailment and I was made to stay in bed for two weeks.

The fever subsided and I returned to school. I then began to notice that nearly every day, after the lunch break, the entire class would be staring at me; someone would jump up and run to get me a glass of water. I wondered why I had suddenly become the centre of attraction. On questioning my friends, I was informed that I would make a funny sound and go off into a world of my own.

I told my parents about these episodes in school but none of us ever believed that it could be epilepsy. Someone mentioned that maybe I had worms and that was causing all these problems. I was given a powerful dose of de-worming medicine, which made me throw up. It was only after a year of recurring fits where I would have one attack every day (it was almost always after the lunch break that this would happen) that a doctor diagnosed my ailment as epilepsy, and I was put on medication.

The biggest blow of being diagnosed as an epileptic was that I had to drop my one lifelong ambition - that of becoming a pilot, either commercial or Air Force. That dream was shattered after the doctor's diagnosis.

I was upset for several days, then pulled myself together and decided to shift my focus on to something more achievable, like engineering.

Apart from this minor hiccup, my life continued likes that of any other normal teenager's. Despite protests from my parents I got a driving license, and would roam around on a scooter. By the grace of God, I never had a major problem on the two-wheeler. Yes, there have been times I have had an epileptic attack while driving. But, thankfully, just before the attack I would get a funny sort of feeling, like an aura around me, and I would slow down and pull the vehicle to the side of the road and stop till the attack passed.

My father encouraged me to be as normal as I could, and would support me in all my decisions, often despite the worried protests of my mother. His attitude was such that I never became conscious of being epileptic and enjoyed life like any other girl of my age would.

I don't know why or how I became an epileptic. No one in my entire family has ever suffered from this disease. Many doctors have asked me if I had been a forceps delivery. Yes, I was. My mother says I had a few marks of forceps injuries on my head when I was born. I have also read somewhere that in epilepsy, the neurons in the brain become overactive and we escape from this world for a few minutes.

My only worry was that of having an attack in front of a stranger or someone I do not know so well, as I felt my parents would get embarrassed. Funnily enough, though, I never prayed to God to take away the disease. I consoled myself that at least I don't suffer from something painful and crippling, like arthritis.

Contrary to the advice of my family and friends I opted for mechanical engineering instead of the more glamorous electronics stream. I was hung up on mechanical engineering as I felt that since I couldn't fly a plane, I could at least stay involved I something related to machines, like say automobiles.

Even after I joined the Thapar Institute of Engineering and Technology in Patiala, my attacks continued unabated. I was the only girl in a class of 60 students. Often, if I had an attack in class, one of the boys would rush had get me a glass of water. The entire class would get disrupted. One of them asked me about my ailment and I told him that I had epilepsy.

During my final year of college I suffered several seizures. The pressure of studies was immense and that possibly was the trigger. But even at the height of the attacks, I never ever sought, or took any special concessions, either during my school or college days. In fact, I even took active part in all extra-curricular activities. I won the table tennis championship every year during the four-year course, and was given an all-rounder award in the final year.

Thankfully, I suffered only one attack during an exam. This was in college and it was a final examination when I blanked out. When I regained consciousness, I panicked; worried that I had lost too much time, I tried to hurry through the paper.